The situation is this.  There’s a bomb on a bus, and the bus is full of us and all these pains in the ass who have no discernible skills but still made headlines in 2009 for either being horrible human beings or for making great strides in the field of stupidity.  If we don’t do all these people, the bus will explode.  Curse you for making us do this, Dennis Hopper.

Nadya Suleman

Octomom has 48 kids and all, but if you drink a lot it’s probably very reminiscent of Angelina Jolie.

Carrie Prejean

She seems hate-filled and kind of not all there, but she does make dirty videos.

Kate Gosselin

This one would also require a few shots, but she’s probably very nurturing.

Lady Gaga

Assuming she’s not really a dude, good money says the shit that comes out of her mouth mid-coitus is epic.

Kim Kardashian

The fact she is on television has mystified scientists and religious leaders alike, but still, that’s quite an ass.

Heidi Montag

This will probably cost you your soul and God help us if she wants to chat, but you know, could be worse.

Michaele Salahi

Kind of forgettable but sneaking into the White House and her weak attempts to ride that into more fame reeks of sexy desperation.