5 Wildly Inaccurate Interpretations of Art, Part Deux

Art.

That word can mean so many things to so many different people. As we stated in part one of the Interpretations of Art series, if you showed 10 people a work of art, all 10 may have their own interpretation of it and they’d all, in some way, be correct. After all, art is all about what you, the viewer, take away from it.

Also, in our first go around at interpreting great works of art we definitively proved that we at Funny Crave have no business forming opinions on art. We may be the only humans in history to walk away from a masterpiece with a categorically incorrect view on what we just saw. We can’t help it. But we’ve since trained ourselves in the art of interpreting art.

We now feel that we have attained a profound level of understanding when it comes to art. We feel prepared enough to not only give accurate interpretations of art, but we feel we can interpret the fucking shit out of some art. So let’s get right to it. This art’s ‘bout to the fuck interpreted out of it.

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Blocks of Poop by Santiago Sierra

That titled isn’t something we made up just to be funny and childish. “Blocks of Poop” is the actual title of the piece. We commend artist Santiago Sierra for being brave enough to just come out and name the piece exactly what it is instead of giving it some convoluted artsy name like “Fallacies of Man” or “The interminable mind of the vagabond goat lord.” By the way, either of those would make great song titles if you’re in a death metal band.

Knowing that we’re dealing with giant monoliths of feces, we have to wonder, is this even art? The blocks aren’t 100% shit. They’re a mixture of shit that fell out of the butts of Indians (the ones with the head dots and the curry) and plastic. We’ve baby sat children that have smeared their Legos with their own poop, yet they don’t have exhibits that praise their brilliance. They get yelled at by their parents, and we get fired for not preventing the children from doing it. It sucks, too, because those children went on to build some pretty awesome poop-covered X-Wings and pirate ships with their shitty Legos. Sierra just kind of left his poop blocks on the ground like an asshole that took Clifford The Big Red Dog for a walk and then refused to clean up after him.

If we had to find some kind of artistic merit in this piece, it would have to stem from the story behind the piece. Sierra summed it up well by saying…

“Workers of the sanitary movement Sulabh International of India are mostly scavengers who, by birth, have to undertake the physically and psychologically painful task of collecting human faecal matter, being charged with the blames of a previous life of bad deeds.”

The poop used in the blocks was poop that was collected by these collectors that have been handed the shitty end of life’s stick. (If that last sentence is considered a pun, then we totally intended it.) Looking at it from this perspective, then, yeah, sure, we guess there is some kind of artistic meaning behind this — highlighting the plight of these people who have been given the shaft due to some out dated religious beliefs. But even then, the guy could have done something that hinted at this meaning a little bit better. Maybe a canvas painting of these workers that’s drawn in the poop they collected. As it stands right now, the message behind the giant blocks of poop is “Hey! Everybody! Look what I did with all this shit!” To which humanity responds with, “Note to self: sometimes, just one lobotomy isn’t enough.”

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The Young Family by Patricia Piccinini

First, let’s just get one thing out of the way. It’s something that you’re probably thinking right now, so there’s no need to dance around the issue.

**Ahem**

AHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!! KILL! KILL IT HARD!!

Alright, with that out of the way we can now give it a totally unbiased and objective interpretation. Firstly, this thing should be killed. Secondly, it should be killed with dynamite so we can then interpret the meaning and metaphor behind the glorious explosion.

Thankfully, though, it isn’t real. It’s a sculpture by artist Patricia Piccinini. According to various interviews she’s given, Patricia has a fear of technology so fierce that she probably refuses to use a cell phone lest her children be born with tumors that not only talk, but talk about how they’re going to take over the world.

The style she’s employing here is commonly known as Nightmareism. It’s a rare style that’s usually found in only the most pretentious works of those in the snuff industry.

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Asta su Abuelo by Francisco Goya

If we’re correctly using the little bit of Spanish we know, the title “Asta Su Abelo” either translates to “And so was his grandfather” or “Grandfather bitch pickle.” Either way, it still doesn’t explain just what the fuck is going on here.

Wikipedia tells us that this piece is part of Goya’s “Caprichos” series. His inspiration came from reading about the French Revolution and its many philosophies while he was going deaf from Cholera and high fever. To put it another way, Goya got cholera, went deaf, read something about the French revolution, then drew a pajama-wearing donkey that’s reading a book about other, non-pajama clothed donkeys. Apparently, cholera is awesome.

Asta Su Abeluo feels like a comic strip from the Sunday paper. We think someday in the future there will the rest of the panels that went along with this drawing will be discovered. In them, we will see Marmaduke trying to cram himself in to a car that’s waaaay too small for him, and Dennis the Menace trying to find his book about Donkeys. Little does Dennis know, the Donkey in the final frame has it. This all, of course, will be a metaphor for absolute monarchy and the inalienable rights of 18^th century French citizens. This metaphor will all be further supported by the discovery of the panel where Cathy says “Ack!”

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Fountain by Marcel Duchamp

On the subject of art, Duchamp once said this…

“The creative act is not performed by the artist alone; the spectator brings the work in contact with the external world by deciphering and interpreting its inner qualifications and thus adds his contribution to the creative act.”

Our contribution to Fountain would be to wonder whether or not it’s sanitary to piss inside of a urinal that lacks the ability to drain. If that thought is an artistic one then we’ve got a thousand more of them. For instance, if you upper deck a toilet at the home of a dude you don’t like, could it be considered art if he never notices even after every subsequent flush brings along some dookie? Damn, we’re so artsy.

But there is some symbolism here. We like to think that the upside-down-ness of the piece represents the futility of the urination process. Sure, you may be able to whizz all up inside of this thing, but what are you accomplishing? Nothing. That’s what. Peeing is a given-and-take process. You give up your pee and either the soil or some pipes take it away. With Fountain, what you end up with is a stagnate pool of urine that kinda grosses everyone out and forces customers to complain to management. At which point the janitor has to come in and vacuum the piss out of the thing. He then goes home and kills himself because he’s had it up to here with cleaning other peoples waste.

So, in essence, this piece is all about how much it would suck if humans were stupid enough to build drainage holes in the wrong end of a urinal.

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The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living by Damien Hirst

“The Physical Impossibility of a Shark Getting trapped In Jell-o” would have been a much more awesome title. And it’s something people can agree with. The Physical Impossibility of Death In the Mind of Someone Living is great for that minority that likes to think long and hard about sentences they have to read a few times to fully understand. But if you want something clean and simple that people will instantly be able to agree or disagree with, then our version is clearly better. Honestly, if you saw that shark in that giant tank, just kind of floating there, then you read the title Physical Impossibility of a Shark Getting trapped In Jell-o, you’d be all “Fuck yes.”

Enough with this bizarre abstract weirdness that hides it message behind 15 layers of crazy. If you make something weird, just present this weirdness to the world. Lay it bare for all to see. Humans have evolved beyond trying to find the secret meanings in art. If you have a message, get it the fucker out and do it in a way that grabs our attention.  So you have a dead shark swimming in some goo? Give it a name that doesn’t make people think you ruined something that possesses an abnormal amount of badass with a pretentious name. If you want to convince someone that your shenanigans actually are art then just put your bullshit on front street. Give it a name like “Me, Master of Sharks,” or “What a bitch,” or “Dear, all other sea creatures. Look behind you.”

That kind of thinking can garner all kinds of respect.