4chan to Verizon: “Bend over, please”

4chan is a bit of twisted place to visit. If you don’t know what it is, let’s just say it’s a place where all of the negative things you’ve ever heard about the internet come to hang out and truly let themselves shine. Conversely, it’s a source for a lot of great memes and can be genuinely funny, at times.

But if there’s one thing you don’t do to 4chan, its block them. The best way to help those that have never experience the world of 4chan before understand what happens when you block 4chan, is with a Ghostbusters reference. You know that scene in the first movie where the red-headed EPA dick head just barges in to the firehouse and shuts down the containment unit — then all of the spirits, ghouls, and specters that the Ghostbusters have trapped get instantly unleashed upon New York.

Verizon, who has reportedly blocked 4chan for the 4 days now, is New York, and they’re about to get the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man lodged in their ass.

Now, 4chan really doesn’t need Funny Crave’s help when it comes to formulating an attack. There’s a good chance that some of their attacks are currently underway as we speak. But we can’ pass up a perfectly good opportunity to see 4chan fuck with a large corporation. It’s just too funny. So here are a couple of suggestions for how 4chan can totally ruin Verizon’s day…

1)      Dicks – Dicks. Everywhere. All over the Verizon main page. Replace every picture of a phone with a picture of a dick with a touch tone pad on it. Replace all pictures of corporate heads with dicks, yet retain all facial features of the original person. Just imagine a penis that has human eyes, lips and a nose. In a suit.

2)      Fuck with the CEO – We have no idea who the CEO of Verizon is. Male, female, a child…we just don’t know, nor do we care. What we do care about, though, is the fact that they’re trying to block a website because they somehow feel threaded by a group of people that specialize in posting pictures of their own genitalia with timestamps written around them. So, whoever the Verizon CEO is, we’d like to hear some reports of them getting pictures of something else 4chan (specifically, /b/) specializes in: horrific pictures of dead people. This, of course, should not be in the form of a death threat. Maybe an enclosed caption to go along with a picture of a man missing half his face due to a failed suicide attempt would be “Hey, (Insert CEO name). Is my lip stick smudged?” The CEO won’t understand why something like that makes the so called “/b/tards” laugh, but that’s not really the point, now, is it?