“Keep Fucking That Chicken!”

Oh, yeah. You heard it right. New York’s channel 5 news anchor Ernie Anastos said “Keep fucking that chicken” live on TV. Now, you may think that this completely lacks taste and class, but we beg to differ. Anastos is just an old school kind of guy. Back in the day, anchors all over the country used to say things like that in lieu of not-so-witty story transition banter. Hell, Cronkite once said the following phrase as he transitioned from a story about the war in Vietnam to a story about peace protests:

“Just keep plunging that plug deeper in to the recesses of your anus.”

See? Old school class from an old school kind of guy. Anastos is no different. But you’d think he was some kind of lunatic judging by his female co-anchor’s reaction, which we’ve taken the liberty of freeze framing:

You’d think someone had poked a finger in her butthole live on air with a reaction like that. She’s soooo not old school. She probably comes from that pussy ass new school of young, naïve anchors whose story transition banter is composed of shit like this:

“Wow, Dave. I’m sure that chicken has seen better days!”

“Ha, Ha, Ha. I’m sure he has Cindy. I’ll tell’ya, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes!! Hahaha!”

“Oh, that’s a good one, Dave!”

No, Cindy. That shit sucks. Was “I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes” supposed to be some kind of chicken related pun? Because it’s not. Like, at all. Now, I am fully aware that I just fabricated that entire scenario, but fuck it. It’s a situation that occurs all too often on local newscasts. This is why Funny Crave throws its full support behind Ernie Anastos and his strictly old school style of transitioning. We need more people that will keep fucking that metaphorical chicken, and less people that simply wouldn’t want to be in that chicken’s shoes.

Also, is it just me, or does Anastos get kind of pervy as he watches the video clip of women working out there at the end? If he was getting pervy, then that makes him even more old school.