“Glenn Beck is Dead,” says the Internet

We here at Funny Crave talk about Glenn Beck a lot. We do it for the same reasons that the rest of the internet talks about Glenn Beck. He’s a massive tool. If you need us to cite sources, here…

See? Tool.

For the past couple of days the internet has been buzzing with all manner of Glenn Beck news fakery. Probably in attempt to completely discredit his name, or to use reverse psychology on American and get everyone to watch his show. Either way, the rumors of his death are swirling, even prompting someone to make this:

…which has such lovely comments on it such as this: “He will be missed… like a polyp on one’s bunghole.”

And, this: “Quick! Rape the corpse before rigor mortis sets in!”

And, of course, this: “rest in piss”

Never once does anyone give a reason as to why he is dead, but maybe it could have something to do with the fact that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. No, seriously. It’s on the internet. It even has a website dedicated to it that is cleverly titled glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com.

The site is filled with facts. Facts are true things. Things that can be proven. With evidence. Granted, there is no evidence to prove that he Glenn did rape and murder a young girl in 1990. But who’s to say that he didn’t? Everyone, apparently.

So is Glenn Beck really dead? Probably not. But this rumor is far more believable than anything on Glenn’s show.