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17 Images That Will Ruin Your Childhood (Cracked)Mark Sanchez Wipes A Booger On Teammate (Super Booya)He Said / She Said: Sex…During Her Period (COED Magazine)How to Love Yourself Like a Man: A...
Movies are awesome; I don’t care if it’s deep and many-layered like Inception, or completely retarded (like the Star Wars prequels) I love movies. As a result, I spend way, way (way) too much time thinking about them.
This has the unfortunate side effect of ruining some of my favorite...
Coffee makes my heart want to explode. I still drink it, but in small, controlled doses that give my heart ample time to defuse each tiny bomb of caffeine that graces its presence before the next bomb arrives. This problem is magnified when I drink a Starbucks coffee. I will occasionally feel...
One could easily argue that technology exists for the sole purpose of making our lives easier. Inventing weapons made it easier to kill the monsters that inhabited our prehistoric world, making it easier to not die. Inventing better weapons made it easier to live in fear than before, because...
It has been a long held secret, but the truth may finally be out: the secret recipe Coca Cola used to make Coke. For 125 years, Coke’s recipe has been one of the most closely guarded secreted in the trade, but it only took reporters from NPR’s This American Life a few...
ED. NOTE: This article was originally written nearly a year ago, but it seems it's just as relevant today.
Hey, Florida! Yeah, I’m talking to you! The state that I’m currently living in! You suck! First, it was with the 2000 presidential election, now it’s with...
9 Famous Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along (Cracked)The 10 Funniest Horse Racing Announcer Calls Of All Time (Super Booyah)The 30 Most Anticipated Movies of 2011 (COED Magazine)The JumpSnap: Holy Taco’s...
Some things in life we just will not do, usually because we’re scared of jail and/or death, or simply because hey-we’re all respectable and shit. That’s where people like me come in, because people that write dick jokes for the internet have no shame, and are usually well-acquainted with...
He unloaded the dump truck’s contents on to a growing pile of trash already a few feet tall. Hanging thick in the thin winter air was the stench of countless half eaten meals, dead rodents, dirty diapers of both the very young and decrepitly old, and countless other things that give off smells...
When I was 12-years-old, I was an idiot. I haven’t gotten much smarter since then. But at the age of 12, I was an even bigger idiot than I am now, and I also was in possession of a lighter I stole from Spencer’s Gifts. It was a knock-off Zippo with a picture of woman’s ass on it. That’s...
You know what?
Other countries have way more fun on Christmas. Seriously. The Japanese dress up like trees and scare small children, the Europeans have Krampus who accompanies Santa and eats bad children and just spanks the naughty ones, and we've got the occasional lump of coal.
You know...
No. NO! I refuse to believe it. I can’t believe that the Golden Globe academy of voters, or whoever they are, didn’t nominate Breaking Bad for Best Television Series – Drama! I mean, it’s like, if they don’t nominate it, then how am I supposed to feel like everything I like is right in...
Scientists have finally started working on some cool advances in brain-magic. Sure, I have recently written about robots that control your limbs and DARPA's new mind control helmets, but this is... okay, more of the same, kind of. This one, however, is about learning things with the same effort...
We want to take a moment here to sort out "fundamentalists" from "Christians". Christians are people who believe you should be nice to everybody and respect their decisions, even if they don't personally approve of them. Most of America is, technically, Christian, but if you're not Christian, they...
As a big N.W.A., and a fan of Ice Cube as well, I am shocked - SHOCKED! -- to discover that Ice Cube didn't only attended the school of hard knocks. He also attended the Phoenix Institute of Technology in 1987 and studied architectural drafting. Ice Cube, the man that once opined on the...
This infographic makes me wonder why I'm writing dick jokes for the internet. Why isn't FunnyCrave a gambling site? If it were, I'd be typing this from a bungalow in Hawaii with a trained orangutang as my man-servant. His name would be Bobo, and he would fetch me martinis every time I snapped my...
We all rightfully view throwing your own poop as disgusting, primitive behavior. If a guy on the bus cops a squat in to his own hand and flings the resulting brown mess at someone you will be outraged and, in the heat of the moment, perhaps between those rare moments when you don’t have an...
The wizards at DARPA announced they will be funding a project an Arizona professor has been working on for years now; it's a device that uses ultrasound to control minds, and is already small enough to fit in a helmet. Now, this doesn't mean they will be controlling soldiers like drones (yet),...
Damn it. Damnitdamnitdamn.
Well, it seems that we’ve lost yet another terrifically funny stand-up comedian. After suffering a stroke this past October, Patrice O’Neal died last night.
For those that don’t know of Patrice’s work, he was, and always will be, one of those comedians...
We could be balanced and objective, but why bother? Anne Hathway is a goddess. She's talented, she's funny, and she's bangable by any standard. Even gay men want her in the sack once so she'll be their best friend after they have that awkward conversation about how they were both drunk and it was...
PETA has a list on their website entitled "Top ten reasons not to eat turkey." I am not linking it here, because PETA gets enough traffic as it is. Now, I am much like my fellow Funnycrave writer Dan Seitz in that I am pretty leftward leaning in my political beliefs, and I also agree that most of...
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